Madeline Magnificent

Write. Learn. Love

100WC week 26

March19

YES!!!!!! I said to myself as I got out of bed, I am finally going to see the 2nd movie of my favorite in cinema with my friends! When my friends and I just got out of the cinema we were going to get take away food, as we walked outside I looked above my head and I saw a flying pig, a purple one! Look up! can you see!’ it’s a flying pig’said my friend, OMG did you here that it said……. HI, OMG it’s a flying, purple talking pig! Then suddenly The pig vanished, It caused me to float up into the clouds with my friends, we were screaming it was so scary, after that I couldn’t remember anything……..

by posted under 100 wc | 1 Comment »    
One Comment to

“100WC week 26”

  1. March 23rd, 2014 at 5:53 pm      Reply Gina Felton (Team 100) Says:

    Hello Madeline,
    A flying purple pig is quite a creatively interesting concept. It is unusual and unexpected which makes your story engaging and entertaining. The fact that the plum colored hog speaks is an added bonus for the imagination of the reader. Visualizing the scene is amusing.
    The twist in the plot is unique. When the pig vanishes and it causes you and your friends to suddenly float into the clouds, another layer of your story begins to unfold. Developing an intriguing plot is a great writing strategy to keep your readers attention.

    My suggestion for making your writing even better is to take another look at your sentence construction. There are some that should be split into more than just the one you have written. I was looking at these two sentences in particular, “When my friends and I just got out of the cinema we were going to get take away food, as we walked outside I looked above my head and I saw a flying pig, a purple one!” and “Then suddenly The pig vanished, It caused me to float up into the clouds with my friends, we were screaming it was so scary, after that I couldn’t remember anything……..” Both sentences would be easier to understand and more impactful if they were constructed differently.
    The cliff-hanger ending leaves the reader wondering about the many experiences you and your friends may have.
    Thank you for sharing your story,
    Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa USA)


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